thought vomit

the search for meaning and the endless scroll

september 19th 2024, 7:44 pm

humans were created to create. everything is so souless nowadays, that i think a lot of us have been frantically looking for meaning and coming up empty. grind and hustle culture has severely damaged our view of life, not to mention social media. i've been trying to make some changes this year, but i think that they can all be summarized by one sentence: be a creator, not a consumer.

as i'm trying to improve, i noticed just how much of my life is spent earning money just to spend it on things i see online. how much time i spend making shopping carts worth thousands of dollars that i'll never buy and looking at other people's lives i'll never have... specially if i keep scrolling and consuming like a brainless zombie. why is is that so many of us are turning out this way? and breaking the cycle has been significantly harder than expected. i find myself picking up my phone to scroll through insta reels (i thought deleting tik tok would help, but it hasn't) and losing HOURS to worthless scrolling. i have been better about overconsumption; i'm consuming less, buying less, thinking less about things i want to buy, but i'm still struggling with the transition between thinking about creating and actually creating.

i feel like my brain is rotting. and i'm scared that i'm past the point of no return, and i won't be able to fix my brain or my life. and if i can't do that, what then? what if my big ideas stay as random neuron firings in my head? what if i never do anything? ever?